AussieLand

Aussie Land
My mom’s song to my youngest brother Nico, was my first ever brush with Australia:
Kooko-baby sits in the old gum tree
Merry merry king of the bush is he
Laugh Kooko-baby Laugh Kooko-baby
Fun your life must be!
This song of fun and laughter proved to a be a harbinger of Australia to the core, as I realize that every time I happened to meet an Australian before going to Australia, it was in the context of some sort of party. With their cheeky comments and quick one liners, Australians seem quite proud of their devil-may-care attitude. Australia is the most random assortment of animals, people things that I have ever encountered, and I can’t help but think it is pure luck that it ranks number 2 in the UN’s Human Development Index. For example:

1) Did you know that kangaroo means “I don’t know” in a native Aboriginal language?
2) Did you know that the capital, Canberra, was chosen because of its location between Melbourne and Sydney to pacify their I-want-to-be-the-Australian-capital feud?
3) Did you know that Australia Day is actually a celebration of boatloads of convicts arriving in Sydney (1/5 of the population is reported to have a convict ancestor)?
4) Did you know that Australia has the highest rate of skin cancer in the world (I felt the sun was particularly strong, leaving a slight burning sensation)?
5) Last of all and my personal favorite, did you know that the first police force was a band of the most well -behaved convicts?

Roughly the size of the US with 1/14th the population, Australia has 6 GIANT states (Queensland, New South Wales, Victoria, Western Australia, South Australia, Northern Territory) and it is estimated that one in every four Australians was born overseas. Talk about melting pot, I believe that I heard every language ever spoken by man there and the diversity of the immigrants is matched by the diversity of the land. Australia is among the oldest continents in the world and therefore one of the most varied. I have heard it described as God’s way of making people laugh, with deliciously exotic-sounding animals like platypus, wallaby, wombat (not a bat), and Tasmanian devil. Australia has always been a dry land, and the native animals are well accustomed to it; kangaroos are able to go for months without drinking water at all. With 90% of the land flat and arid, it is in the death throes of supporting the non-native agriculture and erosion is continuing to eat up the belly of the country. The environment is a growing issue among Australians with the ecosystem glaringly unable to support the wannabe English countryside image, developed long ago by homesick convicts. With the introduction of those ever-breeding fuzzy bunnies and greenery terrorizing sheep, Australian non-natives have nearly succeeded in devastating their precious resources and it is estimated that since the Europeans colonized, 17 mammals have become extinct and there are more endangered animals than on any other continent. Even the “old gum tree” in the kookaburra bird song may soon become a thing of the past. The young city dwellers and die-hard rancher families are in the middle of an environmental-turned-political battle, fighting tooth and nail to strike a balance between conserving nature and maintaining the cattle-driving lifestyle that their ancestors have ever known. Water restrictions are in force and signs are everywhere, as the country is in a constant state of drought.

Baked Beans on Toast!?
In true get-over-it-and-live Australian style, despite the fact that England kicked out their ancestors, strong ties with England remain in their English-style breakfasts (spaghetti, eggs, toast and bacon, baked beans), English monarchy-honoring statues and even on their currency. Beyond breakfast, Australian staples of tea and scones, fish and chips, meat pies and wine, all have English beginnings, although the 20% immigrant population does keep foods vibrant and varied. Food prices are outrageous, as the constant lack of water forces them to import food and other goods that cannot be homegrown. We spent about $25 for just an average meal, and even grocery prices were pure robbery. Only my Australians in Japan insist that Japan is cheap, while the rest of us English-speakers disagree. That’s why I like to call them AustrALIEN ;)

AustrALIENS!
Australians have this OCD tendency to shorten everything to a cutesy name that ends in y. Like Aussie for Australians, names are Brownie (Ms Brown) brekky (breakfast) and named me Sandy (Sandoval).
I was accosted by random Australians when they heard my accent; they jumped on the chance to talk about America and Australia. American pop culture hegemony has infiltrated the rebellious Land Down Under and has left a strong, not generally positive feeling. Culturally, the news mentioned that Australians consider themselves another state of America, and America’s hot-button issues today become Australia’s tomorrow. Here is an example of a conversation that I had with a random Davy Crockett-looking character who was trying to make me laugh (Although, my Australian friends called him a tosser.) “Why can’t you Yanks speak English? For example, why do you piss in a bathtub? Well, why would you ask for a bathroom when what you want is a toilet? Why would you call it a restroom, because there’s not a bed in it? You are going to go to the toilet right? Why can’t you just call it a toilet?”
Now, I never mentioned anything to him about a restroom or a bathroom but he thought of all this on his own. This sounds harsher than it was, and he wasn’t “having a go at me” but this conversation highlights the strong, slightly jovial feeling toward America.

Aborigine Means First Inhabitant (nod to Japanese English textbooks)
While only there for two weeks, I felt the public outpouring of sensitivity towards the Aborigine. A recent prime minister apologized to the Aborigines for stealing their children and trying to raise them Western-style. This practice ended fairly recently in the 1970’s. If you want to put your fingers on the national Australian pulse, charitable feeling towards these Stolen Generations are in vogue and can be seen in art, news and homegrown movies, such as Australia and Bran Nue Dae.

Karucha Shoku aka Culture Shock
Although Australia is not my world, in a way, it is more my world than Japan. It was so nice to be in a reverse situation where I understood everything that was being spoken and they didn’t. I was the de facto translator throughout the trip, and didn’t realize how much Japanese I could speak. I was quite proud when the Australian teachers, thinking I was Japanese, praised my American-sounding English. Whoo hoo! I studied English my whole life.

My Top Ten List of All Things Culture-Shocking to the Japanese
These things were a never-ending source of entertainment for me.
10) Seeing the brightly decorated classrooms instead of the drab gray of dilapidated schools.
9) Seeing their surprised reactions to “Western-sized” portions and people. I am so glad that no one really understood Japanese, because the continuous references to size would be very rude in English-speaking culture.
8) Seeing their reaction to teachers drinking coffee, eating cake and having relaxed conversations in the lounge, instead of always being in a mad dash to pretend like they’re busy.
7) Seeing Australians’ relaxed custom of greeting each other and seeming lack of authority. Australian teachers don’t force students to scream good morning. A smile in the eyes, a friendly wave, or a “hey” is also considered a greeting, and standing on ceremony with “good afternoon’s”, and “you must be tired’s” was echoingly unheard.
6) Seeing an all school meeting with no exaggerated “Opening of the Ceremony” Ceremony and “Closing of the Ceremony” Ceremony, no school song and no bowing, didn’t allow them to know exactly when the ceremony ended and began, or how it was to be participated in.
5) Driving a car where the speeds are much higher was alarming for them and seeing them confusingly driving through roundabouts was alarming for me.
4) Seeing their reaction to wine at lunch, and driving after a dinner drink was shocking. I had forgotten that in other countries it’s ok to drink a little and drive.
3) Seeing the students taste freedom and watch them begin to rebel against the strict Japanese-style of management by the end of the 2 weeks. For example, the Japanese teacher ordered the students to mingle and waited for the same order from the Australian teachers, who instead waited for them to do it naturally.
2) The lack of a Japanese onsen (hot spring) was a never-ending complaint. A day spa with massages and wine does not equal a naked Japanese onsen.
1) Straddling the divide of cultural understanding, I was thrilled to see an Australian teacher try to get the Japanese to “socialize” by being chatty. Her very chattiness made her seem lonely to the Japanese, and their lack of chatter made them seem lonely to the Australian.

Goodbye

Goodbye. Especially to you, friends leaving Japan. I will miss you more than you know. It's just a dream, it seems so unreal, how can time have flown by so quickly? And yet it was an eternity. I don't feel sad, oddly numb... now slightly alarmed at my eyes, swelling and blurry and the deep shuddering breaths. My nose is starting to run. What can this be? How strange and annoying that I can't control my own body. But I have seen this reaction before in people that have been stung by bees. It has got to be an allergy. Clearly, I am allergic to goodbye. When I hear it, I become weary and the slightest touch of it makes me shudder. The smell of it is a pungent onion that assaults my eyes and nose and the taste of it is poison to my thoughts. It boldly infiltrates my defenses and sets a rebellion against my emotional authority. If I happen to come in contact with goodbye, I must immediately take a dose of anti-inflammatory medicine so that I can quickly control the effect. What is this medicine exactly? I will tell you a secret I learned long ago: the only medicine that works with goodbye is hello.