Dancing Pandas

Foreigner wanna-be’s who used to be foreign before they were in Japan for half their life and now act crazy on TV PISS ME OFF. They are called dancing pandas because they cater to the foreigner stereotype in Japan, loud, cute, entertaining and semi-ridiculous. Where do they find these people? They definitely don’t have Western mannerisms or words, hyper-active and strange. There are some major ones that are ALWAYS on TV and I am finally angry enough to research who they are after watching them act like lunatics and pass it off as Western. According to my research, this foreign prototype makes people comfortable about foreigners. Dave Spector came here in 1983. Thane Camus practically grew up here. I don’t know why these foreigners who have lived in Japan for the past like 100 years think they can represent something that they’re not. How long does it take for you to live in a foreign country before you give up your cultural pride and sell out for the Almighty Yen?! I pictured all ex-pats as a national graveyard, filled with ghosts of pop culture’s dead past, popping up to scare everyone with a gory imitation of what they once were.
Then, I met a crowd of true ex-pats in Tokyo. A family friend has been living in Tokyo for about 20 years now and Jen and I went to visit him. I fully expected everyone to have adapted to the mannerisms of the TV gaijin. Not so. Surprisingly, not so. I have come to the conclusion that no matter how long you live in a foreign country, you don’t ever lose where you’re from; it’s not as easy as losing keys. You can only give parts of yourself up directly and by choice. I am so relieved. I refuse to become a national graveyard or to dance on other’s self-made ones. In the words of Pink, I am not here for your entertainment.