Food Glorious Food

So much for not eating Japanese food. I've discovered that foreigners gain the "Japanese 15" because either A) the food is SO damn good OR B) because it is impossible to say no. Japanese food tastes nothing like Colorado makes you think it tastes. It is almost always a million times better.
During those impossible-to-say-no times, I am usually with my host family or Japanese host of some sort and I can't be rude. They serve me a ton of food, since I am the guest, and I have to eat the WHOLE THING regardless of whether or not I am hungry. A Japanese concept called mottainai (don't be wasteful)is ingrained in everyone, even toddlers, so I MUST finish everything. EVEN if I get a stomachache. It is INCREDIBLY rude if I don't finish.
I am always the guest and the first one to try everything so usually everyone waits for my reaction when I try something new. If I say "oishii" (delicious) then everyone is happy. If I don't say it, then people will be really upset, so on only a few occasions, have I said "ehhh....daijobu" (uhhh...[the food is]....ok). I could never ever say that something is gross, UNLESS they know that foreigners typically don't like a certain type of food like nato (green sickness with the consistency of snot), basashi (raw horse) or sashimi (raw fish). ONLY then I could make a face and say 'Sorry I can't eat it'. But heaven forbid if they counter with "Please you try. Japanese Challenge'.
AHHHH! I'm screwed! I can't ignore 'Japanese Challenge'. If they say that, then I HAVE to eat it to 'save face', another cultural pillar. If someone gives you a Japanese Challenge, you rise to the occasion, or risk losing something valuable, like respect. SUCH DIFFICULT choices I face: stomachache or rudeness. I always choose stomachache, and apparently, that's what other Japanese people do too. I am not used to eating huge meals all at once. In the US, I ate a little bit all day long, so it has been very hard. I am usually the last one done because I am trying to psych myself into eating that one last sushi roll by making room in my lungs and re-arranging my internal organs for yet more food. I'm also still not that great with chopsticks.
On those days, when I am pregnant with a foodbaby, I can't eat at all the next day. I know, I know, what you're thinking; that is SO UNHEALTHY, but I don't know what else to do, and until I can learn the subtle way to say no, I am stuck. So I am motivated to study harder on those days. BUT, my co-workers are starting to realize my dilemma and tell others about what they call "Cassandra's Eating Rules". They think it is very funny and a little eccentric and I am saved from being rude and getting a stomachache. If only someone would tell my host family, then they would stop making me eat so much...

My first enkai (Japanese party)

I had one of my many 'first speeches' last night at a 2 hour party on the floor of a restaurant. The mayor, public officials, board of education and principals of the 9 schools that I'll be working at, and of course Kate and I were there, sitting on the floor, in our socks, for 2 hours drinking and eating together (about 30 people). WHOA! I didn't realize it was such a big deal! The mayor spoke, then Kate and I made our speeches then there was a loud KAMPAI (toast) from everyone and THEN we could eat and drink. We couldn't touch anything until there was a kampai. At first, I asked my translator to explain all of the food to me. Chicken and jellyfish, cow internal organs and raw fish later, I asked her to please NOT tell me what the food was and I would just try what looked edible. It was actually... good. Ok, I didn't try the raw fish, but I tried pretty much everything else and it was actually really good, as long as I didn't think about what it was, I was fine.
If I thought about what I was eating, I would start to feel it coming up, so I concentrated on drinking sho-chu and trying to speak Japanese. The party was all mostly older men, of course, since women don't tend to hold positions of power, and these guys were toasted by the time our 2 hour party was up. Umm, yeah and I mean freaking TOASTED! So at the end of the party, we screamed banzai 3 times and raised our hands in the air each time. Apparently, this is an important gesture that officially signifies that end of a party and essentially means '3 cheers for ---'; but they REALLY do three cheers, literally. Then, in Japan there is always a second, less formal, party which is usually characterized by more drinking and possiby karaoke. This time, we went to a bar and drank and ate some more with about 8 old guys and 3 women. They tried to speak English and Kate and I tried to speak Japanese; we had fun!
I am probably glad that I didn't understand everything the guys were saying. But, this is still Japan and guys here DEFINITELY aren't as rude or pushy as some guys in the US can be.
ANYHOW, it was a blast and I wouldn't be surprised if some of them didn't make it home but instead fell asleep on the sidewalk, as I've seen a few businessmen littered on Japanese sidewalks around midnight. Then, they go home and get ready for just another workday by 6 or 7 am the next morning.

My long lost friend arrives

I have the Internet now, hooray, oh I missed you so much, my long lost dear friend. How does anyone ever survive without you? As soon as I got it, I started crying. Maybe that sounds kindof stupid, but the internet is the gateway to communication today. I couldn't really talk to friends, family or know what was going on in the world for a month. Imagine not being plugged in for an entire month?! For this generation, you might as well take away food. Imagine a car without wheels, or bread without butter or an Ipod without music. That's what it was like for me having a computer without the internet: pure torture and just unnatural. Well unfortunately I can't say anything more since I have a huge speech tomorrow in front of about 500 students and teachers... oh then another one tomorrow night at my welcome party with the mayor and some other public officials. Wish me luck! I will sleep well knowing that I am plugged into the world again and not floating off in outer space Japan.

Henna Gaijin

Gaijin: the not-so-politically correct word to talk about foreigners (s/b: gai-KO-KU-jin)
Henna: weird
Translation: You do not want to be henna gaijin.

All foreigners are asked tons of questions, of course, but some questions deal with very personal issues and border on ahem...outright rudeness (for Westerners). I've come to believe this battery of intense questioning is asked to test the henna-ness of each gaijin in order to place them into a specific category as a point of reference. This litmus test also helps establish a personal connection, cutting through all inherent henna-ness of each gaijin to make them seem more human (lol). The questions that I'm usually asked are very interesting:

How old are you? Are you the oldest or youngest? What is your blood type? What is your horoscope? Why is your hair black? Is your hair naturally curly? Do you have a boyfriend? Oh you're from Kororado (Colorado)! Kororado Rockies, blah-blah Ichiro-san is on that team (Japanese guy on the Rockies team and I had no idea). Oh you're Su-panish (Spanish) then you know how to dance? You must be very passionate.

Although I happen to know how to dance, I doubt that's a pre-requisite for being Spanish. Never mind my other races, lol. But this seems to explain why I have dark hair that's naturally curly and everyone is satisfied that allis well with the world since I fit in a nice, neat, organized box. Yes the picture makes sense now. For a scary second there, the world almost got flipped over since I come from the US and I'm short, without blonde hair and light eyes and no boyfriend...

Could it be? HENNA GAIJIN!! dun, dun, dun!Oh no, I fit in somewhere,I'm not an X-File, phew, close call!

On Foreigners...

Foreigners are like red flags in Japan, scratch that, foreigners are like neon flashing signs that are ever present and are a point of focus for both Japanese and foreigners alike. I even find myself unintentionally picking out foreigners like a Where's Waldo comic, wondering what are they doing and where are they from, and how long have they been her. It's so funny how quickly I can pick a foreigner out from a mile away by the way they walk, hold their head,and of course by the way they look (I'm sure I could pick myself out too). There are two types of foreigners: 1) Foreigners who realize they're foreigners and 2) Foreigners who don't.

Type One Foreigner always semi-bow or semi-smile at you as you're walking by saying: "Hey you, I know you. You're a foreigner, I'm a foreigner, I know what you're going through and I realize that although we haven't met, we have a lot in common. Ganbarette kudasai."

Type 2 Foreigner doesn't bow or lookat you, but if they happen to catch you glancing at them, their look says, "Hey, I don't know you, nor do i want to. You're a foreigner, I'm NOT a foreigner, I've lived here for XX years and I don't want to be affiliated with you outsiders. I am Japanese and I only associate with Japanese people (even though I'm a tall redhead and clearly wasn't born here)."

I don't understand why I feel that they are so rude when we don't acknowledge each other, it's not like it matters in any other country. Hmmm...

Anyhow so I was shocked to see the first other foreigner in my town of Kikuyo besides my Candian buildingmate. I was pretty much convinced that their weren't any other foreigners in my town. So when we first saw each other in the dark across the street, we just stared for a few seconds in shock.Then, Mr.Blonde dont-look-at-me-like-you-know-me practically ran to the back of the supermarket in order to not acknowledge me while I stared in shock for a few more seconds. He warned me wordlessly, "This is my town, and although you just invaded it, I'm going to pretend like this little incident didn't happen. So as long as you just turn around and leave by the time I buy my food, I'll forgive you."

I just laughed and told him in my head, "Ha, you just went to the bread/cheese section at the back of the supermarket. You are a foreigner just like I thought. Gaijin! Now this is my town, I renamed it K-town and I belong here too."

Chopsticks / Hashi

I am getting better and better. My hands don't shake now when I pick up something heavy and I stopped getting handcramps while eating (I literally did get handcramps by the end of week one) :) I'm practically a native! Pretty soon sympathetic people will even stop offering me spoons and forks when they see me struggle. I always politely smile at the utensils that they offer in all sincerity, and push them to the side and use my hashi, which I am determined to dominate. I will not let a couple of little sticks beat me into submission even if it takes me half an hour longer than everyone else to eat my food. One day, I will even be able to cut meat with chopsticks, slurp soup, and flip an egg...... at the same time.

Oops!

Today, I've learned to say "otskare sama deshita" which literally means "You must be tired" which is the English equivalent of "You worked hard today, good job". Apparently, what I've been saying "gochiso sama deshita" means "Thanks for the food". On paper they seem very different, but when spoken fast, all I hear is blah-blah-deshita. For two whole weeks every single day, I've been saying that. No one had the heart to tell me that I was wrong; Omigosh how embarrassing. How they could not die of laughter every single night is beyond my understanding. I laughed for like 10 minutes after I found out, and then they thought it was ok to laugh with me (at me).

BUGS!

The bugs here are UNREAL. Spiders as big as my hand, cicadas and roaches as big a my pinkie, grasshopper things (?) as big as 3/4 of the length of my forearm. It's scary and kimoi and I dont like it one bit. I killed a beetle/roach thing as big as my ring finger with a PAN since it was so huge and I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. It gives me chills even writing about it. If I see a massive hairy spider, bigger than my hand, I think I won't sleep for a month. I dont even want to think about how I would ever kill something as big as my hand. Japanese people don't kill spiders, which are seen as protectors, and Westerners are warned not to kill spiders in front of Japanese people. Spiders are simply "shooed"outside. My goal would be to shoo it right off my 9-story porch. Mission accomplished, cultural blow-up averted.

On Japanese-style driving

So it turns out that I need a freaking car. I was hoping against hope that I wouldn't have to drive for a year. That would have been SO nice. I have been studying Japanese traffic signs and rules of the road. No turning on red, watch out for trains, wild monkeys, pedestrians, the usj (as in usual)...oh yeah and one minor detail, stay on the OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD. It is pretty interesting trying to remember that you're supposed to be on the opposite of where you've always been.
Like when you turn on your blinkers and find out that you've accidentally turned on your windshield wipers. Or to turn right and realize you're suddenly on the wrong sideof the road. Or to ask what each Japanese sign means and to find out that no one knows. Yeah that's right no one knows what the road signs mean. I am totally generalizing and I am not trying to say anything at all about Japanese drivers. I am just trying to state a fact that after I asked like 5 people around my town office and host family about signs, they said that signs didn't really matter, or they forgot or that they think it means this, or that they just dont know why. In order to get a Japanese driver's license, Japanese drivers just need to pass an enclosed Lakeside-type driving course the correct way and voila you can get a license. That does present the slight problem of a course being vastly different from driving on an actual road. But this small setback is easily remedied by Japanese magnetic strips that all new drivers (1 year) must put on their car to alert all other drivers to stay away from them. According to many, driving is perilous business with drivers frequently stopping in the middle of the road for no valid reason (letting a kid use the bathroom on the side of the road). Pedestrians rule the road EVEN if your light is green. We were warned in three orientation sessions, above all never hit another car and never ever hit another pedestrian unless we want to go to jail, get deported, pay thousands of dollars and go to hell.There is a zero, that's Z-E-R-O tolerance for alcohol in this country (maybe this explains why medicine like Nyquil is not allowed) while driving or riding a bike. This means that if you drink the night before and ANY alcohol is in your system the next day you will be punished to the full extent of the law, deported, hanged and tried; in that order. This is pretty much the WORST thing that can happen. If you happen to be driven by the heathen that chose to drink and drive, you are guilty by association and will get deported and pay thousands and go to hell as well.
WOW, I am so scared.....not that I drink and drive, but what if I go out the night before and I still have it in my system the next day???.....I think I need an alcohol detector

My first speech

Here is my speech for my jiko shokai, which was a very important speech, edited and approved by three people so that I could speak in front of the mayor. Look at what they suggested I add to make it more interesting and Japanese. Some of these things just don’t belong in a public speech…..Enjoy

Hajimemashite, watashi wa Cassandra desu.　America no Colorado no XX kara kimashita． Watashi wa XX no XX daigaku wo sotsu gyo shimashita; senko wa kokusai business desu. Watashi no shumi wa sarusa dansu to Nihongo no benkyo wo surukoto desu; shigoto　wa　ginko de loan no tanto deshita.　 Watashi no tanjobi wa XX desu; ketsu eki gata wa 'X `gata desu; se iza wa, ite za desu. Watashi no　kazoku wa X desu; ototo ga　X　to　imoto ga X. Karera no namae wa XXX to X desu. Ima karera wa San Fracisco, New York to Chugoku to Denver no gakko ni iiteimasu. Watashi wa Taiko to sunobodo to miso shiru to Kumamoto ramen ga suki desu. Nihongo wa mada heta desu, ga, ganbarimasu. Dozo yoroshiku onegaishimasu.

Translation:

It is the first time. (How do you do?) My name is Cassandra XX. I am from XX in the US. I went to school at XX college in XX and graduated with a degree in International Business. My hobbies are salsa dancing and studying Japanese. My former job was as a loan officer. My birthday is on XX and my horoscope sign is Sagittarius. My blood type is XX. My family has of X kids; X younger brothers and X younger sister. Their names are XXX and X. They are currently in San Francisco, New York, China, Denver at school. I like Taiko drums, snowboarding, miso soup and Kumamoto ramen. My Japanese isn’t very good yet, but I will persevere. Please treat me well (I look forward to working with you).

Everyone is extremely into blood types (b/c it's kinda like a personality type) and knowing TOO MUCH INFORMATION about people. I thought I was going to have to give my bank account number, DNA sample and contact size.

On "work"

All I have been doing over the past month is strudying Japanese everyday all day, pretty much. I go to the town office at 8 am picked up by a co-worker til I buy a car, start studying at 8:30 am sharp when this kiddy-alarm-clock melody comes on to let everyone know its time to start working then break at 12. All the lights are turned off (I was told to save electricity), the TV is turned on and everyone brings out their lunchboxes and eats "together" at their desks. Usually it is a quiet affair with everyone still doing something on their computer during that time.Very quiet and kind of strange. Actually I kind of dread lunch time since it is the one time when all activity comes to a halt and everyone goes to their own little world at their desk, 1,000 miles away. I usually gobble my food down and duck out of there. I head downstairs to chat it up with the secretary who loves to talk, like any good secretary. Then we have a grand old time til the clock strikes noon, when the kiddy tune announces that it's time to start studying again until about 5:30 pm when we are driven home to the apato. Phew.

This is a normal workday unless we get kidnapped. Sometimes our co-workers tell us to go, at a moment's notice, with a random person somewhere. We never have any idea what's going on or why we're there. There's never an explanation (an explanation that's understandable). The most interesting kidnapping is when we went to a golf course, then a freshwater spring, then an ice cream shop, then back to work. It doesn't sound half bad when I write about it, but imagine being in a car for a few hours having absolutely no idea what's going on. Then imagine people you don't know getting out of the car and voila, they're filling up their water bottles from a hidden spring without saying a word to you. And you copy them go to the spring. Then we go back to the car and start driving again. Next thing you know you're at a place with livestock and the people are going inside a store. So you follow them not knowing what's going on, then voila, they buy you ice cream. Then you sit down and eat ice cream in silence then they go back to the car and you follow them. You have NO IDEA what's going on.... then you are suddenly at the town office. STRANGE. You would feel abducted too.

Milk and other things

I hate being illiterate in the most literate country in the world. It makes buying food, train tickets and umm everything else so difficult. I can't even figure out how to buy non-fat milk. I just decided I would keep trying the different milk carton colors til I've found non-fat. So far I've tried blue and purple. Next time I'm going for the yellow milk carton, maybe that'll be the golden cow I've been craving. I really miss non-fat milk and oatmeal. I used to eat that everyday.

Almighty Toilet

I have never seen such a crazy choice of toilets: supermantoilets or 3rd world holes. Nothing in between. On one hand, Japanese toilets are the most extreme technologically advanced gadgets I've ever seen replete with heated seats that lift as you enter the bathroom, light up the outline of the toilet at night, have a bidet, water spray, flushing/nature sound choice, self-cleaning and has other adjustments for other things that the toilet does that I haven't found out yet. I wouldn't be surprised if the toilet can lift you up, escort you back to your bed and serve you breakfast.

On the other hand, other toilets are holes in the ground that I try to avoid at all costs. In public bathrooms, I've found, through extensive exploration, that if I use the handicap bathroom, there is sure to be a Western-style toilet. Phew, accident avoided!

My first word

There are 4 different "alphabets" that the Japanese use in everyday language, which are oh-so-fun to learn. Hiragana (40-ish letters reserved for native Japanese words), Katakana (40-ish letters for foreign-originated words), Romaji (romanized version of Japanese) and kanji (Chinese characters of which there are thousands that have different sounds/meanings depending on the context and must simply be memorized). Right now I know katakana, but it wasn't always so. As of two weeks ago, I didn't know it. Katakana is very useful for English-speakers in Japan because it helps to know what is in a certain dish or cleaning agent etc by trying to figure out what it sounds like in English. Most of the time this works, sometimes not. For example, katakana will say that salami is "sa-ra-mi" and cabbage is "ka-ba-tsu" so it is all kinda guesswork to figure things out. I had been looking for handsoap for a couple of days and hadn't quite mastered katakana. So I was trying to read the bottle that said in katakana "_X_ - n-do-so-pu" I was trying to figure out what the first letter was in --ndosopu, ha-n-do-so-pu Yes! Hando-sopu. Hand soap. Yes I got it score! My first word. I am so excited, this is what it must have been like in kindergarden when I first learned how to read. I am on top of the world. I can do anything at this moment. It's a bird, It's a plane, nope it's me Cassandra and I'm a katakana master. I even bought a celebratory dessert to commemorate my first word, smiling like an idiot. I go to the cash register to pay and I don't understand anything he's saying, except that I know he's talking about me to the other cashier but I don't care because I can read, which means soon I'll be able to understand and then next comes talking. You just talk away buddy and don't be surprised when I talk back. Ho-re-i (Hooray)! banzai, banzaibanzai. (A week later I learned my first kanji for anti-bacterial or ko-kin. My office workers probably think I'm a freak.

My first night alone dot dot dot

So after the Tokyo orientation, I went straight to my host family`s house for 4 or so days. They showered me with kindness, gifts and Japanese culture. I don:t think I could ever have met nicer people. So nice that it was almost embarrassing. But I was also elated to finally go to my own apato. All I wanted to do was clean and eat and soak in the Japanese-ness of it all. That`s all I wanted. I decided to go explore the world and find a supermarket. I found the nearest one and headed straight for the food products I know: oatmeal and bologna sandwiches. I couldn`t find either and I CAN`T READ, so I decide to go back to my apato and eat the pizza that my okaasan (Japanese mom) gave to me.

So I put it in the MACROwave, that`s right the macrowave because everyone says it`s better than a microwave (btw that`s what I named it, not what it`s really called). Apparently, it can do anything hot to food AND it doubles as an oven, since there aren`t any ovens in Japan. The problem with the macrowave is that it`s so complicated and I don`t know what any of the buttons mean. So I happily begin pressing buttons to cook my pizza. I am so excited about this microwave thing. So, the macrowave cooks the pizza for about 5 seconds then all of the power in my apato goes off.
So I call my host family to ask them what should I do, and they tell me that having the air conditioner, lights, fan and washing machine on at the same time as the microwave is just too much. I need to ration my energy. WHOA! Ok I have never had to do that before. So by the time I get everything figured out and cook my pizza, it was two hours later and I was starving. I cooked it about 5 times, and it still had a doughy center. ARGH! I was so hungry that I ate the outside of the pizza, then put the middle in the toaster oven and toasted it til it was done. I always have bad luck when I cook. I don`t like macrowaves anymore.