On Japanese-style driving

So it turns out that I need a freaking car. I was hoping against hope that I wouldn't have to drive for a year. That would have been SO nice. I have been studying Japanese traffic signs and rules of the road. No turning on red, watch out for trains, wild monkeys, pedestrians, the usj (as in usual)...oh yeah and one minor detail, stay on the OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD. It is pretty interesting trying to remember that you're supposed to be on the opposite of where you've always been.
Like when you turn on your blinkers and find out that you've accidentally turned on your windshield wipers. Or to turn right and realize you're suddenly on the wrong sideof the road. Or to ask what each Japanese sign means and to find out that no one knows. Yeah that's right no one knows what the road signs mean. I am totally generalizing and I am not trying to say anything at all about Japanese drivers. I am just trying to state a fact that after I asked like 5 people around my town office and host family about signs, they said that signs didn't really matter, or they forgot or that they think it means this, or that they just dont know why. In order to get a Japanese driver's license, Japanese drivers just need to pass an enclosed Lakeside-type driving course the correct way and voila you can get a license. That does present the slight problem of a course being vastly different from driving on an actual road. But this small setback is easily remedied by Japanese magnetic strips that all new drivers (1 year) must put on their car to alert all other drivers to stay away from them. According to many, driving is perilous business with drivers frequently stopping in the middle of the road for no valid reason (letting a kid use the bathroom on the side of the road). Pedestrians rule the road EVEN if your light is green. We were warned in three orientation sessions, above all never hit another car and never ever hit another pedestrian unless we want to go to jail, get deported, pay thousands of dollars and go to hell.There is a zero, that's Z-E-R-O tolerance for alcohol in this country (maybe this explains why medicine like Nyquil is not allowed) while driving or riding a bike. This means that if you drink the night before and ANY alcohol is in your system the next day you will be punished to the full extent of the law, deported, hanged and tried; in that order. This is pretty much the WORST thing that can happen. If you happen to be driven by the heathen that chose to drink and drive, you are guilty by association and will get deported and pay thousands and go to hell as well.
WOW, I am so scared.....not that I drink and drive, but what if I go out the night before and I still have it in my system the next day???.....I think I need an alcohol detector